Life Can Be Bittersweet But You Don't Have to Be

 Have you ever noticed that life can be ‘bittersweet'?  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that the holidays, which for most of my life have been pure joy from beginning to end, now have a bittersweet element to them.  This year despite the twinkling lights and festive atmosphere, I felt a melancholy heaviness.  I was distracted from the present as my mind kept wandering back to Christmases of long ago, the holidays surrounded by parents, grandparents, and relatives who have been gone for at least a decade.  Certainly, I’ve felt their absence other Christmases, but this year it was different.  Perhaps because now I’m the ‘old generation’, the generation that is savoring the moments because we’ve learned that what we’ll remember about the holiday years from now is not the number of gifts under the tree, but instead the people around the tree. We have seen that circle of loved ones get smaller and we realize that our time in that circle is growing shorter, so we pay a little closer attention to the moments, the joys, and the excitement in faces of our loved ones.  We’ll forget the meals but we’ll remember the moments.  It’s a bittersweet experience now. 

 "One of the most bittersweet feelings has to be when we realize how much you're going to miss a moment while you're still living it".

Recently on a ride through Easton, I noticed this tree.  Barren of leaves it stood out, brightly adorned with red that almost seemed as if it were intentionally decorated for the holiday by Mother Nature.  As I zoomed in with my camera, I realized it was completely covered as bittersweet vines wrapped it almost to the very top.  The result of that entanglement was a festive display of red berries that in the afternoon sun stood out like shiny ornaments on the Christmas tree.

I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by the sight.  My only experience with bittersweet was years ago when someone brought me a homemade wreath of bittersweet vine.  It had been harvested fresh, so the flower petals around the bittersweet berries were still in tact and together the berry-covered vine was colorful and attractive.  Much to my dismay, a few days later, all the petals fell off, making quite a mess, one that made it hard for me to appreciate what remained.  Curious to know more about bittersweet, I researched today and this is what I learned.

Asian Bittersweet is a perennial vine, one of the worst invasive plants on North American soil. It’s a highly aggressive climber that spreads quickly, rapidly overgrowing anything in its vicinity, and killing even large trees. It can easily reach up to 100 feet.  Oriental bittersweet produces an abundance of berries that the birds eat and thereby spread the invasive plant further through their droppings. The seeds remain in the bird's stomach for several weeks, which leads to the spreading of oriental bittersweet far away from its original location. On top of it, oriental bittersweet has a very high germination rate of 95%.  (https://www.thespruce.com/) Despite the beauty evident in these photos, bittersweet can be invasive and deadly.

Wow…who knew?  Beautiful but possibly deadly if allowed to spread.  That reminded me of the effect negativity and hate so often expressed today on social media can have on our mental health.  While there is definitely still goodness in the world – plenty of it – there seems to be a growing sense of freedom of expression that enables and even encourages some to spew negativity and criticism without regard to how their words impact people.  Social media, which began as a way to connect and stay informed has in the past five years become a sounding board for keyboard warriors to lash out, sometimes at the most innocent, well-meaning posts.  Online platforms which once provided socialization and entertainment are now often depressing and disheartening.

The same goes for our face-to-face conversations.  Have you ever noticed that some people just have a habit of dwelling on negativity, complaints, whining and doom?  And then there are other people who are just a constant ray of light, always positive and spreading joy regardless of their circumstances.  Spending too much time around negativity has a powerful impact on us, whether it’s getting too caught up with politics, watching too much news or just surrounding ourselves with negative people.  We need to protect ourselves from becoming entangled by bitterness and angst.  We need to guard ourselves from being dragged down by the weight of the state of the world we are living in, by the politics and economy, by the anger so many are spewing and do our best to focus on the good.  That’s not to say we should be ignorant, it just means we should do our best to ‘be the beauty and the light, and source of positivity’.  Let's not be like the birds who eat the berries and then scatter the seeds.  Be so bright that when people spend time with us, they don’t see the ugly brown vines, they see the beautiful red berries and that is what they take away.  

So as we step forward into a new year, my hope for you and for me is that we spend more time focused on the blessings in our life, more time remembering the people whose bright light keeps lighting our path, and more time spent with the intention of growing positivity instead of wallowing in the darkness of hate.  Wishing you faith, love, hope and light in the New Year!