Eulogy - A Remembrance to Someone Who Died or a Tribute to Someone Who Lives?

 Thanks to modern technology, in the past couple months I've been able to watch three separate funerals on You Tube.  One was a neighbor friend of my mom's, one was a neighbor of ours and today one was of a man who had been a pastor in our neighborhood church.  I probably wouldn't have attended either of these funerals, but was grateful to have been able to experience them online.  These three people, two men and one woman, were unrelated and quite different, but they shared one thing.....they all lived lives dedicated to serving in one capacity or another, and all of them carried out some of that service in their church.  I know that mostly from listening to their eulogies.

Those eulogies got me thinking - not just about what giving, thoughtful people all three of them were, but the basic idea that without the eulogies, there's much we might not know about these people - and the people whose funerals we might attend.  

According to Legacy.com "a eulogy is a remembrance speech that pays tribute to someone who has died.  Given at a funeral or memorial service, the eulogy highlights the deceased’s unique qualities, importance in the lives of loved ones, and lasting impact on family and community.  The purpose of a eulogy is to reflect on what was special about a person, how they impacted those around them, and how they will be remembered now that they’re gone. The eulogy may include anecdotes about the person who has died, a list of accomplishments. A successful eulogy doesn’t have to be written by an expert to be eloquent or moving. What matters is that the eulogy is heartfelt, respectful, and true to the memory of the deceased."  According to a site, My Farewelling, "the term 'eulogy' comes from the Greek word 'eulogia', meaning 'good word' or 'praise'. The practice of delivering eulogies dates back to ancient Greece, where it was customary to publicly honor the lives of individuals who had made significant contributions to society.   These early eulogies were not exclusive to funerals. They were also delivered during public events and celebrations, serving as a form of public recognition and appreciation. The focus was often on the individual's virtues, achievements, and contributions to society."

When I listen to eulogies, I often find myself wishing the person being eulogized could hear these accolades.  I wish they could hear what people loved about them, admired about their accomplishments, appreciated and valued about them.  I'd love to watch them laugh at the funny stories that are shared about them or witness the smiles and tears of people in attendance as they listen to their eulogy.  I often learn new things about the deceased that I sometimes wish I'd known before they passed.  I can't believe I'm the only person who feels this way.  Seeing these most recent funerals got me to thinking about the subject of complimenting people and especially how 'complimentary' we are after a person is dead.  Why is that?  Is it because as a society we find it hard to say out loud things on our heart? 

I'm the product of the generation that kept their feelings close to the heart.  That generation didn't wear their hearts on their sleeve.  They didn't say the words 'I love you' out loud to people, at least not parents to kids.  I know this because most of my friends have shared that this was also their experience.  We all knew we were loved, but from ways other than words.  Parents didn't boost our egos by expressing pride and we weren't coddled over little stuff.  Perhaps that might explain why it seems easier to pay compliments and note accomplishments about a dead person.  I feel pretty confident that each of the deceased whose funeral I watched were aware of their own accomplishments and the value of their service, and hopefully each of them felt how much they were loved, admired, respected and treasured.  But still, wouldn't it be lovely if they could have heard their own eulogy, heard these sincere and genuine words expressed about them?  

Well I can't say for sure, but last I knew there was no You Tube in heaven.  These fine folks were not privy to things said at their funeral or during the gatherings afterwards.  They all went to the great beyond and I've got to wonder - how good a job are we all doing to make sure our loved ones know before they go just how much we cherish them, appreciate them, are inspired by them.  Are we wearing our hearts on our sleeve or are we being shy about sharing our admiration?

In today's world, I think we've been conditioned to be quick to point out the negative.  When was the last time you took the time to write a good review?  The last time you complimented a grocery bagger or cashier for their efficiency?  The last time you told your spouse what you love about them or told your kids you were proud of their accomplishments?  When did you last share your envy over your neighbor's green thumb or take time to tell a friend what you love about them?  Maybe we've gotten too busy commiserating over the state of politics to focus on these matters of the heart and maybe one day we'll be sorry we haven't spent more time sharing living eulogies instead - before it's too late.

Folks, life is short.  And it's quick.  While some weeks we think we'll never get to Friday, when all is said and done I think we can all agree that life passes with the blink of an eye.  The time is NOW.  Don't wait till someone's wake or eulogy to share how special they were or how they inspired you or what a difference they made in your life.  Sure, their family might love hearing your stories and accolades and for that moment their grief might be lifted, but wouldn't it be nice to tell people directly what they mean to you?  I'm not saying we shouldn't eulogize people after death - what a great way to comfort the bereaved and celebrate the deceased, but let's start celebrating people before they die.  Let's focus on lifting people up, not just praying over their souls after they're gone.  Let's celebrate lives of the living, not just lives of the dead.  I challenge you to take time to write a eulogy to the living people in your life. It can be as short as a few sentence. Eulogize them now.  They and you will be better for it!

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.

-Irwin S. Cobb