Life has a way of transporting us through time, from one day to the next decade, similar to the way a northeaster transforms our yard from dormant grass to a winter wonderland overnight – quietly but surely. Years creep up on us even when we’re living each day, one day at a time. We find ourselves at the end of a season, or school year in what feels like an overnight’s sleep. And while we’re sleeping, life happens in big moments and small, joyous occasions and sometimes, devastating loss and pain. That’s just how life is…..fast, slow, highs and lows. The older we get, the faster it seems to pass and then, it seems, everything feels different. We notice the good things more, the hurts hurt a little deeper, we applaud the victories with more fervor, and we mourn the losses a little harder. We have the time and the life experience to see the ‘big picture’ with more clarity and we might be more inclined to notice the significance of events where they felt ordinary before. That has been the clutter occupying my thoughts this week.
June 15th is
the anniversary of my brother’s passing…..73 years since his short life
ended. I never knew him, but I’ve always
felt connected to him. I often wonder
what life would have been like if he were alive. I wonder if one day I might meet him in
Heaven and wonder if he’ll be 10 ½ months old like he was when he died, or if
he will have grown in Heaven. His life,
though brief, brought love and joy and smiles to all those around him, and his
death brought devastation and heartache that resurfaces even 73 years later. His life lasted a brief season but his memory
will hopefully never be erased.
June 17th was
our wedding anniversary; this year our 48th. It doesn’t feel like 48 years; it feels like
it passed at a warped speed. We knew as
we took our vows that we meant ‘till death do us part’ but let’s face it,
that’s a kind of fairytale in today’s world.
But we promised and we meant it, then and now. These 48 years have been full – full of ups
and some downs too. We raised two
daughters, one diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at 10 months of age. That rocked our perfect little world in ways
we could never have imagined and brought challenges and adjustments we weren’t
prepared for, yet we faced them head on.
We survived the teen years, the college years and then we handed our
precious girls to the men they loved.
Anyone who has kids understands neither of those phases are as easy or
simple as they sound. We embraced the
‘empty nest’ phase and learned to live life as a couple again. We finished our careers, embraced retirement
and the grandchildren God blessed us with, making the golden years sweet and
fulfilling.
Not all of growing older
is joyous. We witnessed both of our dads
taken away, bit by bit, by the quiet ravages of Alzheimer’s and we lost John’s
mom to lung cancer. Loss is hard but
even as we bury our parents and witness firsthand the reality that life is not
permanent, we go about it one day at a time, focused on a narrow view of
whatever is shouting loudest for our attention.
We live as if we have forever, even when we know otherwise.
Forty-eight years as a
couple, as best friends, leaning on each other, caring for each other,
navigating life with all its joys and challenges together is not always easy. Some days it’s downright frustrating, but
what in life is perfect? I actually
think that it’s getting through the tough things that make a person strong and if
we’re lucky, it makes us stronger as a couple.
Some days when I think about the tough things we’ve overcome, I’m a
little in awe – of our resilience, our tenacity, our determination, our ability
to navigate the storms without drowning. Yet, there are
others who have gotten through things so much more difficult than what we’ve
been through. Forty-eight years, almost
a half a century, two thirds of my life that I’ve been lucky enough to spend
with my best friend who understands my rambling thoughts, who overlooks my many
flaws, who supports all my crazy ideas.
I may not express it daily, some days I may even take it for granted, but
at the end of the day, I’d say life doesn’t get much better than that – even
when it is travelling at a warped speed.
Monday my mother will be
celebrating her 94th birthday.
She’s lived almost two decades longer than her parents did, 11 years
longer than her sister and has outlived many of her friends. She’s buried her infant
son and her husband of 58 years. The appreciation
of the life and all it offers isn’t a concept lost on her. She has always lived life with gusto,
surrounded by friends, savoring all the beauty life has to offer. Having lost her first-born child, the reality
that life is temporary has not been something she can ignore. She learned the hard way not to take life for
granted, to embrace it with passion and not miss an opportunity to do the
things you love. I’ve watched her work
fulltime, maintain a welcoming home that was often filled with
friends and family, nurture a traffic-stopping garden on a postage stamp piece
of land, master a multitude of hobbies – all of these while maintaining a large
collection of friendships, most that have spanned a lifetime. If anyone has shown me the ‘art of living’,
it’s my mom. One might think this life
of hers sounds perfect, but it has been far from that. Even
at 93, living alone, still driving, she loves life (even though it is not quite
as full as it used to be) and has no intention of giving in without a
fight. She lives life on her terms,
unapologetically. While she doesn’t give
voice to the memories, hardships or losses that fill her nighttime thoughts,
she doesn’t let them consume her or steal the joy she still chooses to embrace
every single day.
In a couple of weeks I’ll
turn 72 – talk about unbelievable. At
least a few times a week I find myself shocked and wondering how I got this old
and wonder, “when did I leave my 40’s”.
Most of my relatives died in their 70’s, so it’s hard not to wonder how
much time I have left, not to be grim, but just as a matter of fact. I think more about what the future might
hold…. and what it won't hold. I
reminisce more, savor more, love more and ponder more. Is that because I know all things in life have
an expiration? Or is it because I’ve
just come to appreciate things more? My body and its limitations remind me that
while my mind still sees me in mid-life, I’m not. Medicare questionnaires at my doctor’s office
ask me if I have grab bars and scatter rugs and if I can manage my finances. I laugh and mock at the insanity of such
questions, but yet I’m of the age when these questions do matter for some. I can laugh all I want, but at the end of the
day, I’m not as young as I imagine I am.
My 9 year old grandson recently asked me why, when I’m almost 72, is my hair not
grey. I explained that it’s because my
hairdresser dyes my greys. His eyes grew
big like saucers, incredulous at the idea, and for a moment it occurred to me that maybe I
was, indeed, old enough now to be grey after all. I let that notion pass and will continue to
let that piece of me stay young.
I came across a quote
this morning – “Every old person knows what it’s like to be young, but no young
person knows what it’s like to be old.”
My mother says something similar all the time, in different words but the
same idea.
When we’re young, we see
life come and we see it go. Throughout life
we see people struggle with hardships, suffer with disease; we celebrate those
who overcome disease and mourn those who lose the battle. Still, we lull ourselves into ignoring the
fact that life has an expiration date.
It’s once we are closer to that expiration that we begin to come to
terms with the fact that our time is not unlimited. It’s then that we truly learn to savor, to
pause, to pray and to hope. We savor the
people, the moments, the memories we’re making.
We pause to take in each one. We
pray thanksgiving and we hope for more – more days, more time, more
opportunities to spend time with the people we love. We don’t want to miss one second. Life passes like a speeding train, like a
comet in the sky….bright one minute, gone the next. The difference with life is that we have a
small bit of control over how we experience it, how we spend it, how much we
savor it.
A ride to Grafton this
week got me thinking, time there always does.
The dappled light in the forest reminded me that life is full of light
and also moments of darkness. Each on
their own are black or white, but together the light and the shadows make a
beautiful image that feels warm and inviting.
The shadows remind me that life is not all about the happy times, there are
always times of darkness and difficulties.
The sunlight through the trees is a reminder that fortunately in most
instances, there is light at the end of a difficult tunnel, even when we can’t
see it yet. The hardships help us
appreciate the victories just a little more. Life is like the forest and the dappled sun –
a mix of joy and sorrow, highs and lows.
Thinking of the series of milestones of these couple weeks, I am
reminded how frail yet how powerful the gift of life is. Some get just a brief taste of life and
others are blessed with many decades.
I’m blessed to have witnessed both and that has taught me to appreciate
every day that God gives me and to cherish the people He’s surrounded me
with. If you’re still reading, thank
you! I know this is long and has used up too much of your precious time. But....I hope this rambling inspires you to be awake to the blessings in your
life and never forget to check the expiration date!
