Nostalgia is a privilege. Yearning for our own memories proves that we've lived a life worth living.
I saw this quote on social media today and it struck a nerve, not just the premise it was trying to convey, but the selection of words the writer used to convey it.... privilege, yearning, life worth living.
Nostalgia: a feeling of pleasure and also slight sadness when you think about things that happened in the past, a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations. By dipping into nostalgia, we can develop a narrative of who we are. We are connected to our past and feel a sense of continuity through nostalgia.
From Psychology Today: Johannes Hofer, a Swiss physician, coined the term in 1688; at that time, longing for the past and homeland was deemed an illness. Thinking about yesteryear can be filled with regret and bittersweet remembrances, and for people who are prone to rumination and depression, nostalgia can sometimes foster a negative state of mind. Nostalgia, however, is now generally regarded in a positive light. It’s self-reflection that connects us to fond memories and can help build a coherent sense of identity. We often rely on our autobiographical memories, which can be emotionally charged depending on the events that happened. We may also reform our memories into an idealized version of the event; in effect, we focus on the positives and minimize the negatives.
Nostalgia is something I've become quite familiar with in the past five years, probably since Covid gave us all some free time, time I used to explore, sort and organize family photos and research our family ancestry. Doing that evoked so many memories, it sort of reignited the past and sparked memories I had tucked away or simply forgotten. I have also come to the conclusion that it isn't really until we are older, retired and facing our own mortality that we begin to 'relive' our lives - through things like photos, stories, reminiscing with surviving family members, etc... When we're in our 30's, 40's, and 50's, we're busy raising families, holding down jobs, and meeting all the demands of a productive life to earn a living while making our own memories. It's not until these demands lessen, our families are raising their own families, our careers are finished and we are facing our own uncertain futures that we have the time to think about our past. We now have an appreciation for the life we lived, sometimes at a pace that didn't always afford us the time to savor those moments. It's sort of when we wake up one day and realize our toddler is graduating from college. Of course, that's an exaggeration, but we can all agree that life and time seem to pass at lightening speed.
I have another reason that I believe makes me a little more desperate to research and record my history, the fact that I am an only child, my dad was an only child and my mom had one sister who is deceased. That leaves my team of 'historical resources' pretty short staffed. In other words, one day there'll be no one to fill in the historical blanks of our family story and my only resource will be my own memories. Who knows how long those memories will be vivid and clear or when they'll become a blur of bits and pieces. I've long treasured my life and the people in it and have written extensively (3 books) about people and events throughout my life. At the moment, no one is particularly interested in any of it, but I'm confident one day someone will be - even if only me when my memory begins to fail me.
About a year ago, I received an email through Ancestry from a cousin who 'found me' on that site. It was a pretty wild and extremely exciting surprise as I had not seen this cousin in probably 67 years. Karen's grandparents lived downstairs from my grandparents. Her grandfather was my grandmother's brother. Karen and her family lived in Massachusetts but came to visit her grandparents and on occasion, we were there at the same time. She is a few years older than me, so she has vivid memories of me and my parents and grandparents. She also remembers my baby brother and clearly remembered the change in everyone's demeanor the first time she visited after he passed at 11 months of age from spinal meningitis. Talking with her and hearing her describe that and my grandparents was as if someone had teleported me back to the 1950's giving me a glimpse of life and emotions surrounding an event that was life changing for many in my family. She gave me details of a time when I had none, just photos. We lost connection when my grandmother sold her home and her grandparents moved to Massachusetts.
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Karen and I had a reunion last year with our spouses and have talked many times this past year. We've reminisced about the family, have dug through ancestry facts trying to decipher timelines and identify family members in old photos. Having her has given my life, my past, my ancestors, something concrete. She's filled in some blanks and added color and detail to a time that was previously one dimensional. Aside from my mom, Karen is the only family I have left who can validate that part of my life and the people I so dearly miss. She has made my nostalgia of that era materialize into something tangible and real. And the ironic thing is, even though I probably last saw her at age 3, we have so much in common and can talk for hours, not even just about family history. I'm a little sad that we connected so late in life, but ever so grateful we found each other after all these years.
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Why do we go back? What draws us from our present day life into the past, a time long gone, a time we cannot revisit. Is it loneliness, regret, awareness that perhaps our future is waning and we're desperate to hold on to what is coming to an end? Maybe it's just a longing for the people and times we can't access any other way but in our memories? Do you embrace nostalgia or do you run from it?
Nostalgia can be filled with sadness or it can be filled with joy. A lot depends on your life circumstances, whether your past was filled with joy or with pain, but I think it's also about attitude. When I researched more quotes about nostalgia, many of them were negative and often implied that nostalgia makes us remember the good times and erases the bad times, often giving us a less than accurate record of the past. Perhaps that is true. I am blessed to have a lifetime of wonderful memories, volumes written about people and times that have shaped me into the person I am today and even if nostalgia makes me a little sad about the things I've lost, I'm grateful to have had so much to want to memorialize. I've heard people say they can't go back, that going back is too painful and I get that. But how wonderful it is when we're able to have memories and reminders of times and people in our lives today that can trigger nostalgia to transport us back to those days. I hope that this triggers your own nostalgic memories and helps you relive the happiest times of your life. Kris Kristofferson said in a song lyric, “I'd trade all my tomorrows for one single yesterday.” I wouldn't trade all my tomorrows, but wouldn't it be amazing if we could get back even one yesterday? Thanks for letting me share Life As I See It with you!
